And nooooooooo, I don't mean which guys would you instantly whatsapp/who would you grind on your next night out/who you'd swipe right on tinder for.
AND IT'S CRAP.
Anyone else find this? I don't have to arrange anything to see other people...so I kinda just don't. And not just social events. I could go for a run, could start going to the gym, start some kind of class...but ain't it just so difficult when you can collapse on the sofa and get tea made for you. And it's completely all on me, we're free to spend our time however we may choose, and I choose to do NAFFIN'. I have to make the choice if I want to go out and do something different, and I merrily happily don't.
I am so far down in my comfort zone than I don't even know anything else exists. But, wasn't there something before? Something that forced me to get out so I didn't spend my whole night tumblr-in' in darkness on my own? Something where you had to pack and plan in night out after brunch after night out just so you could see your mates and talk about anything but uni work? I think there was! And it seemed to coincide exactly with that time I was the singlest pringle. Most particularly, just after a recent break up.
It's not just the social side that changes either. You realise you're fully on your own, but independence is great. You think I've only got me to encourage myself now. So you try that little bit more harder at whatever you're working on, using free time to better yourself. Take up yoga, eat healthier.
And then you start to have fun with one particular person and it nicely leads to being in a relationship again. You still go out loads, see your friends all the time, but eeeeeever so minutely it lessens and lessens month by month. Getting full time jobs means you just can't hack nights out as much, but why stress when you can have a film night in? The change is ever so slight that you can't see your habits changing, and you're pushing yourself less and less. Someone loves me so no need to improve, right?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. DON'T DO IT.
Not DON'T DO IT to getting in a relationship, but DON'T DO IT to getting nice and cosy in your comfort zone.
When I think of how I spend my time, if I take Jonny out of the equation and imagine me doing the same day to day, I would be utterly stir crazy. I'd do what I do now, then in two weeks time I would feel completely isolated. I'd have to get in touch with friends, see what they're up to, do they want to hang out (please hang out). Without a partner in crime I'd realise that I'm lazing around way way too much, what have I achieved and done for myself?! Nada! Get out there, get moving, summon up the energy to do something after work. Start some kind of exercise class. Go to yoga. I think one of the biggest things I miss is how deep my friendships went. It was effortless because you were with them 24/7 and they saw you when you were moody/hangry/drunk/ecstatic. The I'm perfect facade gets blown away pretty quickly, which just serves to strengthen the friendship.
Sooooo I'm going to pretend I'm single. CHILL. I mean just in terms of what am I doing for myself. What would I be doing next week if I was only going to be coming home to an empty flat? Loads and loads more. Friendships might take a bit more effort because I can't whizz through the practically-living-together stage, but I'm gonna make it work. Which will probably make a more fulfilled Jess, a happier Jess and therefore a happier Jonny. And he won't be forced to listen to CBB and TOWIE constantly. Everyone wins.